These are strange and unpredictable times.
One thing I find we can predict, however, is that we're guaranteed to cling to certain keywords and phrases we've decided suddenly define the fiber of our personalities.
I am slightly irritable. Slightly. I would say my tolerance is high—this statement can be ironic and counterproductive, so I'll clarify. It takes a lot to grind my gears into destruction. However, I have a thing for words, especially with repetition. I mean, the repetition thing is a general, all-encompassing issue for me, but it's very relevant to the topic at hand. Consistency? good. Repetition? bad. Very bad.
This whole thing may have come off a little snotty, but I want it on record that I'm not the person to theatrically point out that you've used "your" where "you're" should be. These people are incredibly irritating—the human depiction of the same grammatical error. If you're losing your argument, just lose. No need to desperately cling to correcting grammar as your last winning resort; you still lose.
Also, and it's sad I have to point this out, if you're reading an Instagram caption or comment, just read. It's Instagram. Relax.
Back to the topic.
There's no kind way to put it. The following words and phrases are irritating and they make my eyes roll. It especially doesn't help that they caught on with one or two people, and suddenly, like a disease, they've permeated all the corners. Now they're just there and people refuse to treat them. They've instead been welcomed.
And so the cringing begins:
Human(s).
god. Please make it stop.
"My favorite human"
"I got to spend *insert time spent* with these humans"
"I've learned so much and connected with these incredible humans"
"Taking in the moments that matter with these inspiring humans"
Very quirky and interesting the first time I read/heard it, a little nuts the 5,000,000th time. Nuts.
Crypto.
You know, I was writing out the first peeve while listening to a podcast and the host said crypto. My brain, in reaction, immediately imploded. I groaned...from deep in my gut. So, there.
On that note, add tech, bitcoin, doge, Elon, Elon Musk, and...Stocks to my list.
Also, if "listening to a podcast " did it for you, I genuinely apologize.
That tweet was poetic... poetically concerning.
Vibes.
I can maybe stomach vibe more than I can vibes. I hate the vibes and I don't know them. Once there's more than one vibe, you've lost me.
On the other hand, Vibrations??? Get it out of here. Stop it. What is that? What does that even mean? It sounds to me like a copious amount of weed.
There's a song I like called Vibration, but the vibrations? That's where it ends for me. I'm not one with the trees and waves...or whatever.
Energy.
It is the sister of the vibes. In that sense, it's fair that I also do not understand it.
Let me clear this up, I understand the intention behind their usage, it's just the usage itself that ruins it for me.
IhatetoadmitthatIamsometimesalsoguiltyofreadingandfeelingtheenergy.
Normalize.
No.
Literally.
Not all the literals. Specifically, the aggressive ones, as in "I LITERALLY waited for two hours".
Guilty, guilty, guilty.
Why couldn't you have "literally waited for two hours"? Why must your volume increase and speed slow down so extensively at literally? I don't even know what literally means anymore—I google it every day. Literally.
"As a ..."
We are all somebody. Except for straight, white men; you are evidently nobody. For those of us somebodies, however, it is becoming aggravating to read that think-piece or to become invested once "As a/an *insert identity*" is uttered. Now that I think about it, I've never gotten to express the feeling of offense using that phrase myself because it is ruined, and I am a lot of "someones"—this could have been golden for me.
Please, just use it in very serious situations, not the ones you've convinced yourselves will move heaven and earth, but the ones that truly do.
It doesn't even matter, I won't use it anyway because it's become vapid now. Thanks.
Like.
Excessive likes, specifically. It's okay in moderation, but when it's every other word, god, it just skirts on idiotic.
"And so, like, I went to the event and, like, everyone was dressed so, like, formal, and I'm just, like, so out of place like..."
Unfortunate.
Five years ago, I put a rubber band on my wrist and snapped it every time I used like redundantly—Please don't think of that rubber band song. Please. This is how I wanted to phrase my sentence.
I was watching something non-fictional in which someone spoke this way and I just thought, "wow, this idiot is me" and so I embarked on my reparative journey. It hurt like a bitch. On the bright side, it did work, and now, I'm a moderate offender. I will soon fully elevate and be free of offense.
The Radical Left, and its spouse, The Right.
Putting it plainly, they are both cults—like crypto—and nobody uses these phrases except the two of them. It's monster jargon to me—and everyone else. Also, all those buzzwords unique to each side are just as annoying. Sleepy Joe, Capitalism, Free Speech, The Mob, Woke mob, etc.
I sense some imbalance here. Is there a Radical Right as well, because I don't believe I've heard it yet? I have my theories, but why is there no radical denomination on that side?
Sorry, I completely Americanized these phrases (and their accompanying issues) at the end there, but you know, personal peeve.
"For me, personally..."
If it is for you, it is personal, sweets.
Vaccer? Vaxxer? Vaxer?
See also: anti-vaxer. What is the spelling of this stupid word?
I cannot wait until we look back at this time and wonder what sort of degenerative existence we were in where this is such a huge part of people's vocabulary. Maybe also file this under westernized insanity.
I'll stop here. I need a sequel. This is turning into a book.
If you can, let these words and phrases go...for my sanity.