- Jul 10, 2022

Six Beauty and Self Care Tips Trusted by a Superficial, Lazy Girl.

Quite superficial, yet too lazy to engage in multi-step routines.

I am as lazy as it gets. Thankfully, I've learned to cut corners and form habits to triumph over this. For example, I will never leave my kitchen after cooking without washing my pots and pans, even if that means making an extra no-pots-required side until my pots cool down enough to wash. I do this because I know that circling back to it will happen about the same time I finally visit a gym. I will come back to do the dishes, but I will exclude the pot.

It's a tough toss-up being lazy and superficial. You want to look like perfection but don't possess the zeal to participate in the rituals to do so. It's difficult imagining myself with a more-than-three-item lineup of products that I apply or ingest to promote better health—believe me, I've tried—especially when I cannot point out exactly how each part of the puzzle works effectively. While I'm still figuring out what will and won't stick, I've gathered preventative and preservative habits in the same vane as my kitchen method. Things to do so my laziness does not completely light all that's superficially left of me on fire.

This list compiles things I believe are effective. If you feel I am experiencing a placebo effect, be kind and let me know so I may immediately direct my limited energy elsewhere.

1. A Dose of Vitamin D Every Morning.

A combination of two things. The first, Vitamin D tablets, have become a must. Second, and most importantly, is a dose of the actual morning sun, a source I learned in middle school is the best source for your daily dash of D nourishment. It also promotes the absorption of other key nutrients, like Calcium and Phosphorus, which make up a lot of our bones and teeth, the latter is also key in energy storage—a must in these grimy DoorDash and HBO Max times.

Early morning Vitamin D exposure is also thought to improve, in some cases, sleep and your emotional well-being, as well as many other theorized benefits.

Unfortunately, we are a very confusing species and can't seem to conclude what time of day is best for sunlight. Some say very early in the morning, while some say around noon when it's aggressive and higher with longer shadow lengths.

From years of reading back and forth, it seems the morning people are staunch purists, who want you sitting out in the sun for longer lengths of time. Meanwhile, the nooners are out of touch—what about at work?—and afraid for your health, hence want you in the shade, and sunscreen ASAP.

The lesson here is: the sun is good, get it whenever works best for you. Use sunscreen, especially if your doctor has advised it (or you're fairer skinned), and take your supplements. I've been on 10,000iu/day in the winter once—a medically recognized hermit. Love it.

2. Get Your Hand Off of Your Face.

As much as you can. It's as simple as it sounds. One day, I was Facetiming with my mom during a spontaneous bout of break-outs, and she goes, "You know I think another issue is that you keep touching your face all the time. All that dirt and germs you collect all day long and you just rub them all over your face constantly."

It's paraphrased; my brain is not that efficient yet, but it's pretty flipping close. That's beside the point.

She made so much sense. The most sense. It also worked!

I'm still on the journey, but one day my hand will never know the feeling of my face ever again—except during face washes. I'm a"face-toucher" when I'm stressed out, so that journey is going to be rough.

She also told me to wash my face frequently throughout the day, but girl, even she doesn't have time for that.

3. First Things First, Glass of Water. (Please read in Iggy Azalea's voice)

As in, it's the first thing I'm consuming every morning. I know some people appreciate it for its alleged weight loss benefits and the like, however, that isn't my reasoning.

Let's be adults about this, it helps with your bowel movement. Very useful, very important. That's done.

It's also a great Kickstarter for hydration—and we know how much our skin loves that—and boosting the immune system.

Also, I'm a breakfast stan. That is, I like to see no spaces left empty when I dish my breakfast onto my plate. I'm a food stan, in general, but something about breakfast food hits right where my brain needs it. Drinking water before I overindulge helps make me feel fuller and curtail the overindulge. Indulge? Yes. Overindulge? No.

I guess, a glass of water before every meal works too, but that's a no for me.

4. Exfoliate.

Doja Cat infamously scared many people when she demonstrated how she ripped her skin apart every day, multiple times a day. I empathized with her, assuming she must also have plastic, shiny skin. However, I do not recommend trying to push it to its limits as she does. It is—literally—painful to watch.

Exfoliating—essentially ridding of dead skin cells—helps my pores feel and look cleaner and appear more lively. I exfoliate my face about three times a week; being that I'm typically on a routine of two daily cleanses, I figure I can squeeze it in and deceive myself with some music in the background. For the rest of my body, I exfoliate physically—meaning with a brush, loofah, or other tools—twice every day, most importantly, my feet.

Chemically, it depends, sometimes, once a week—except I'm also using a deceitful body wash that claims it exfoliates as well.

If you have more sensitive skin, I've learned from my sister's wonderful skin, that you should scale back on the exfoliators—including physical—to about once to none a week, depending on the state of your skin. The feet, however, are fair for exfoliation. On my more sensitive occasions, I do the same.

5. Naps.

An ignorant person will recommend that you nap every day. I however nap between ~30 minutes to an hour every day off.

In college, I tried doing it every day because somehow I had more of a life and regimen then than I do now. I don't even have time for daily naps anymore. Where am I doing it? On the floor at work? On a random chair or couch? I need a bed, a couch at home, a moving car/plane, or my mom's lap. Lulling yourself into a nap is hardWORK.

Also, I found that it worked negatively for me whenever I was required to be at full alert immediately after. I would be groggy, exhausted, and moody. So, I tweaked it for myself.

Naps can be a good way to reset and refresh the brain, body, and mood—for me, that would be on low-pressure days. If you're committing to a daily thing, however, I warn you, it may feel like a bitch the first couple of times when you wake up—because you're used to the full shebang—but over time, it gets much much better. No seriously, I was initially ready to confront my professor about the useless recommendation, but now I end calls for naps.

Although it works like this for me, it might be a terrible method for others, but an attempt to figure out your orientation is worth it.

6. Argan Oil and Silk/Satin.

My hair mostly gets two constant kinds of love. The first is Argan oil and Argan oil-based moisturizers. The second is silk/satin pillows or bonnets.

I don't advise you to go to people's houses demanding silk pillows; bring your bonnet. Also, you're fine falling out of the routine once in a while, as long as you're not subjecting your hair to abrasion and breakage all the time. Also, moisturize/oil it, preferably, when damp. It must not always happen that way, but that's when it's best— similar to your skin.

As I Leave You...

My Instagram algorithm right now comprises pasta and candles. It is a sign from the universe: Tips #7 & #8. Eat pasta and light candles. Live La Dolce Vita.